Henderson County, Kentucky - Chapter 23, 1887 (part 9 of 9)

A description of this motley crew would be impossible ; men six feet four inches long were mounted upon mules four feet high, men weighing two hundred and fifty pounds were mounted on small animals fed for the occasion, men were dressed in shucks, uniforms and false faces absolutely hideous were worn by the rank and file, but the music was good. The militia retired to what was known as the Taylor field, now in the Third Ward, where they were soon followed by the " Quizzicals." They marched around them time and again with the band playing its best music, and when the band ceased playing, they were furnished music not quite so refined or melodious. It seemed that the whole stock of tin horns, then in the world, had been collected together and turned loose at one and the same time, no one of them conveying the same sound. The patriots were outdone, humiliated, disgusted. The great crowd of spectators had left them in their glory, and was paddling along in front, alongside, in the rear and all around the brass band.

The Quizzicals returned to town with their banners flying and were received by the gracious few remaining on the streets with shouts of rapturous approval. Col. Burbank became enthusiastic and inxited the whole command to his factory on the corner of Main and Third Streets, to partake of a sufficiency of his eight-year old. Of this " Cornicopia" the command helped themselves freely, so freely that many of them were unable to keep in line, keep the step or keep their stomachs. Mr, A, B, Barret entertained the anti-militia, and others did likewise. From that time, militia musters became unpopular and a militiaman was as much afraid of a Quizzical as he could have been of any burlesquing terror. To the Quizzicals of Henderson, no doubt, the credit is due of breaking up muster drills in Kentucky.

The Famous Dog Supper

Over half a century ago, when Henderson was but a small village with storeboat gunwales for sidewalks, in place of her now broad and symmetrical engineered brick pavements and stone reservoirs, there lived here a company of young men noted for their wit and humor ; their whose sole aim it was to practice upon the unsuspecting some original bit of humor, calculated at times to unnerve the victim, yet at all times intensely amusing to those of the party and to others doing the duty of casual spectators.

At that time there stood on Court Hill an insignificant building called a Court House, at the end of which was an ell with two rooms, one of them used for a County, the other for a Circuit Clerk's office. These depositories of chancery, common law and statutory records were as orderly during the day as the chronic grumbler of well settled habits could wish, but after nightfall they became the haunts of mirth and gaiety, good humor and high glee. A flow of spirits, the sunshine of the mind, mixed as serenely with the social atmosphere as does the glittering dewdrop with the sweets of the morning rose. It was there that plans were formed. 'Twas there that minds, cultivated by a close communion with the classics - unbridled and skipping like young colts - in the field of fancy, shaped the mould from out of which something truly amusing was to come. 'Twas there the famous " Dog Supper " received its embryo life, and it was there it culminated in such sickening actuality. The story of this supper was at one time a national one, and to this day many readers will recall the memories of that old canine festivity. There are those yet living who heard of the feast at the time it occurred ; others who have had a traditionary knowledge of it, while others have read it in the light of a romance in ** Lonz Powers," a book written by Hon. James Weir, of Owensboro. The s^ory is an intensely interesting one, and the best of it is, it is true.

history ever written of that interesting entertainment. The author of Lonz Powers used ideal names. I shall use the true names so far as it lies with me. There were five leading characters officiated in the getting up and serving of the " Dog Supper." Their names were, William D., Samuel and Young E. Allison, Harvey Green and Thos. Towles, Jr. Old Dan Shallow, who figured so conspicuously upon that occasion was a magistrate who called himself "Judge," a selfconceited, harmless old fellow whom this particular crowd loved to joke at all times.

It was a very usual thing about that lime, for the young meti of the town to have bachelor suppers - that is, suppers where none but male bipeds were invited. The Allisons had enjoyed many of these social feasts and convivial rejoicings and now felt it incumbent upon them to give one in return and thus repay the hospitality of their numerous acquaintances, for they disliked the idea of being in this way indebted even to their best friends.

These gentlemen were all bachelors, for, although great jokers themselves, marriage was a practical joke they had hitherto studiously avoided. Sam knew how dangerous it was to trust too much to the sympathy of the heart, and had, therefore, discreetly dodged the question whenever pressed too close by maid or widow, and had so far escaped not onlv the bonds of Hymen, but any suit for a breach of promise, for he took especial care never to write letters, and in the language of " Uncle Johnny Weller," kept a sharp look-out on the " Vidders," But Sam was now fully determined on one thing, and that was to give a supper which he vowed should be a "dog fine feast" and one both sumptuous and unique.

On the same day of one of those celebrated militia musters at Pleasant Grove, our joking friend was so fortunate as to decoy into his stronghold a fat, old, goutish canine by the name of "Watch," - a name, by the by, not at all significant of his peculiar qualities, for he slept full three-fourths of his time, and would devote the other fourth to the same luxury had not necessity compelled him to pass it in eating. Old Watch acknowledged no master, and, like all dogs of this kind, was an independent, careless dog, passing his years in glorious idleness, feeding on the fat of the land, lying on cellar doors, turning up his aristocratic nose at his lean companions and enjoying himself, like many men of the same occupation and pursuits. His days were numbered, however, for he had struck the joker's fancy, and so Sam Allison sacrificed him upon the altar of fun and dedicated him to the nourishment of his hungry friends.

In the summer of 1835, a neat little note of invitation, enveloped in a perfumed covering, was sent with due form and etiquette to some dozen or more of Sam's particular friends and acquaintances. Mr. Allison was open and frank in the use of his language, reminding his friends that it should be a supper if. nothing more than a dog supper. These invitations were signed " Sam Allison," and one of them was addressed to old Judge Shallow. " By blood," said the Judge upon receiving his invitation, " but what the devil he means by dog supper I don't know and don't care, so that he has a good supper and a plenty to drink." The other friends each received a similar invitation, all of them containing a distinct invitation to a dog supper.

Knowing Sam's proneness for jokes, they laughed over his allusion to a canine feast, faking it for granted that a fat saddle of venison and all the et ceieras of high living awaited their coming. Duly to the moment, the guests gathered around his hospitable board and sat down in high glee and good humor to partake of the dainties he had prepared for them. It was a laughing, jolly company, and Judge Shallow was there in all of his glory, and, as he had not eaten any dinner, needed neither pickle nor whisky to sharpen his appetite. At the request of the host, he had taken the seat of honor, not on his right or left, as was the custom of kings, but at the foot of the table immediately facing his host, while by his side sat young Donald McConnel, (Tom Towles), a wild fellow much given to reading Shakespeare, and who scarcely ever conversed except with quotations from the old tragedians, now and then simplified and made intelligible by remarks of his own. Tom was a rare bird and particularly odious to the old Judge, for he had strong suspicions of his sanity, and on the present occasion would have preferred his being a little further removed from his valuable person, for to tell the truth, the Judge was slightly timid of his company, not so much *' on account of himself as of the public and his family," as he was accustomed to say when avoiding any danger.

At the head of the festive board sat the joker, his eyes twinkling with delight and his whole face beaming with humor. No guest could have wished a more happy, joyous or smiling entertainer. They were certain of the welcome, and as certain of a good supper, and all were well disposed for fun, frolic and high humor. Immediately before Sam, as the leading dish of the table, was the body, or rather the saddle, of "Old Watch," cooked and prepared in the finest style, beautifully brown and inviting, sending forth a savory odor and tempting in no small degree the palates of the anxious and expectant guests. Uncle Sam Johnson, a colored individual of those days, noted for his pugilistic as well as keen perception of well behaved qualities, vjcis tht co?ino/sseur oi the a.n culinary upon the occasion. Royally did he roast " Old Watch," and royally grand did he locate him upon the shining porcelain.

Pouring out a glass of wine and motioning his friends to do the same, Sam arose to his feet and gave a toast standing, " Here's that you may all have good and strong appetites for the 'dog supper ' - to the memory of all dogs in general - hoping that they may live as long, grow as fat, and die as glorious a death as ' Old Watch.' "

The shout that greeted Sam's toast shook the house to its very foundation and alarmed the neighborhood tor many squares around. The delighted company, unsuspecting the joke now playing upon themselves, and little dreaming of the reality of Sam Allison's joke, drank off their bumpers in high glee at the merry humor of their host, while Tom Towles, with a jovial twinkle of the eye, exclaimed :

" He was a gash an' faithfu' tyke As ever lap a sheugh or djke. His honest, sowsie, baws'nt face Ay gat him friends in ilka place ; His breast was white, his towzie back Well clad wi' coat o' glossy black; His gawcie tail, wi' upward curl, Hung o'er his hurdies wi' a swurl."

" Well done, Tom ! " cried Sam, laughing. " You have given as faithful a description of ' Old Watch ' as if done by myself. But fall to," he continued, flourishing his carver, "and never cry 'hold! enough ! ' until dog and wine can no longer be forced down your gullets. Sam Allison never begrudges his victuals so long as his friends are satisfied with dog. Come, my wise administrator of the laws," said he, addressing Judge Shallow, " shall I help you to a slice of this canine dish ? "

"Ay, ay," replied the Judge, merry with wine and glad with the expectation of a good supper. " By blood ! send me down a lion's portion of the venison, or dog, as you choose to call it. I can hide as much of a brown roast in my slim body " - slapping his attenuated abdomen - " as jolly Falstaff dare do in his palmiest days."

the table, continued zealously to supply the constant demands of his guests for what they, innocently humoring the whim of their host, laughingly called "dog." Lihgrally and bountifully did the joker fill the plates of his friends from the fat saddle of " Old Watch," and never was a haunch of venison so lauded and admired. It was praised for its fatness, its juiciness and peculiar flavor, and again and again did Sam, flourishing his carver, supply the demands of his ravenous company.

But now old Judge Shallow, filled with repletion, and unable to swallow another morsel, threw down his knife, and while complacently rubbing his provision depot, exclaimed ; " By blood ! I can eat no more ! and if I continue to feel as I now do, will never eat again." The remainder of the guests followed the example of the Justice, gave up the contest and awaited the signal to move. Towles, as a finale to the feast, crying out with mock solemnity :

" Immortality and fellowship with me. and the light and joy of telicity All these hast thou reached to-day! Leave, then, the dog behind thee."

But Sam had no thought of letting them off so easily. They had enjoyed themselves vastly on his wine and dog, and at his expense, and he now thought it time to shift the scenes and slightly vary the entertainment. Rapping upon the table to draw the attention of his noisy guests, Sam filled his glass, bidding them to do likewise, and then, bowing, exclaimed :

"One more toast, gentlemen. Here's to the memory of old Watch ! When alive his good humored face and fat, waddling sides have often gladdened our eyes ; when dead, he still remembers his friends and administers to their comfort, pleasure, and appetite ; peace be to his manes, and may his lazy spirit tumble into some world, where he'll find plenty to eat and nothing to do."

The jolly company, with hip, hip, hurrah ! duly drank down this toast with all the honors, although the shouts of some of them were a little faint, and a suspicious paleness began to gather around the corners of their mouths. A faint glimmering of the truth was nowdawning upon the mind of more than one of that jovial crowd, and very naturally beginning to work a marked change in their hitherto joyful countenances. Towles, with a sickly smile, excited by his suspicions, exclaiming, " Ah, no more of that, Hal ; an' thou lovest me ? "

Yet they were not fully convinced ; but the joker did not leave them long in doubt, for he continued playing witli wicked pleasure upon their fears and suspicions. The present scene he said but proves that great and leading fact - that habit and custom make the man. The Chinese consider a filthy bird nest the most choice of all food ; and we, setting ourselves up for judges, laugh at their folly and curse their filthiness. The Jews, led astray by the superstitions and laws of his nation, look with holy horror upon the carcass of a well fed hog ; while we, ridiculing their prejudice, think nothing equal to a well cmed ham. Some nations of the earth think no food so pleasant and palatable as a dish from the human body ; while we, softened and refined by Christianity and civilization, revolt at the very idea. The Indians of the West and Pacific Islands, and even the inhabitants of some of the most ancient and refined nations, dream of no food more excellent than a roasted dog - and yet we, led astray by the habits and customs of the country, never think of trying this favorite dish. But it is all habit and custom and prejudice," said Sam, with a quizzical leer at his gaping audience ; " for here we have been supping upon that eschewed and abominable dish, and in our ignorance praising it for the very best and most delicious venison. The last time 5'ou saw old Watch, my friends," continued the joker with mock seriousness, "he was taking the sunshine on a cellar door. Poor fellow ! You will never see him there again ! His deep, mellow bark will never more arouse you from your slumbers, or disturb your pleasant dreams. All that now remains of him is this well picked carcass before me, and here," continued Sam, stooping down and drawing from under the table the well-known, familiar head and skin of old Watch, " is the only memento of that gallant dog and of this glorious feast. At the sight of the bloody head, the waggish Towles, true to the drama, although about sinking under the effect of nausea, sprang to his feet, exclaiming with tragic vehemence,

During the short speech of Sam an awful change had been gradually creeping over the late merry faces of his guests. There was a contracting of muscle, a heaving of chests, and the old Judge, with rueful countenance, had already pointed out the place of disease, by laying his hand submissively, and with Christian kindness, upon his stomach. But when the joker, like Anthony exhibiting the wounds in the dead Caesar's body, held up to their astonished gaze the grinning, ghastly remains of old Watch, the effect was electrical. No orator has ever produced a more rapid and wonderful revolution in the feelings, thoughts and actions of his auditory, than Sam Allison in his short address. The old Judge, having gorged himself with an anaconda portion of the dog, was now disgorging the same as fast as nature and the case would allow^ His long, wiry figure, bent over the back of a chair, resembling an inverted letter "C," was heaving like the stormtossed ocean. Whenever his own nauseous stomach would give him an instant of peace, the Justice would turn his long, doleful face, pale with sickness, and rueful with tears, upon his suffering and nauseated companions, muttering, as he rubbed his heaving and rapidly decreasing abdomen, " O, Lordy !" " O, Lordy !" Then he would take another turn at old Watch, mingling along with sighs and groans and tears his favorite oath of " By Blood," and prayers and supplications for relief with " O, Lordy ! " " O, Lordy ! "

But every storm must blow over, and so did this tempest-tossed company of heaving " suppers out, " at last find a calm, if not to their troubled souls, at least to their troubled stomachs, in which latitude and longitude their souls were just about that time pretty generally centered. Each guest, so soon as he was able to stagger away, seized his hat and, without ceremony or leave taking, made tracks for home, fully satisfied with their frolic. They staggered along their several ways, some swearing, some laughing and some stopping to take another heave, but all muttering "dog." Towles made a ludicrous attempt at a tragic farewell, but once more struck with a sudden nausea at the sight of old Watch's grinning head, it was no go! - he broke down in the midst of his quotation, and beat a retreat as best he could, laughingly shaking his fist at the shouting Sam. Old Judge was the last man to desert the festive board, for, having laid in a greater amount of dog than his comrades, it took him a longer time to disembark it. At last he too made his arrangements to take his departure. With both hands pressed tightly upon his weary and badly strained stomach, his eyes still wet with tears and his countenance still rueful from sickness and pain, he lingered a moment to cast one look (more of sorrow than anger) upon his laughing host and the wellpicked carcass before him. Sam, noticing his fixed and earnest gaze, seized the carver, crying out, " Ha, Judge! shall I help you to another slice of Old Watch? "

It was too much for the Judge, for, although he made a terrible effort and struggled hard for the mastery, he had at last to succumb, and with a deep groan, leaning his aching head against the door post, he again went through a mimic representation of the " Ground Swell " of the Sea. At length the good Justice also managed to leave the festive hall and steer his way for home. The cool night air brought some relief to his fevered brow. Once more free from sickness was fast regaining his spirits, when Fate, the ill-natured sprite, played him another naughty trick, bringing back a relapse of the old disease.

The moment when entering his own premises, and when he was congratulating himself upon having arrived in safety, and was even so far recovered as to utter with considerable gusto several emphatic "By bloods," his house dog, running out to give him welcome, leaped playfully upon him, looking wistfully up in his face. This combination of ideas was too strong for the delicate nerves and stomach of the poor Judge, for the bark of his welcoming friend reminded him too forcibly of the deep bay of old Watch and his grinning mouth and head, and again was this unfortunate Justice compelled to unload a little more of the old canine.

Once since the famous night of the feast, Sam Allison, by swinging the skin of old Watch over his shoulders and taking a walk through town, caused so much sickness and vomiting that for a short time the faculty were disposed to believe that cholera had made its dread appearance in their village. Nor were they fully convinced of their error, until Sam gave them an instance of the peculiar power and influence of that last and only memento of old Watch and the " dog supper."