Daily Evening Bulletin, 1882-02-17

The Torpedo Chicken Further reports were submitted to the Lime Kiln Club regarding the t rpedo clicken lately invented in Mobile A specimen chicken had been procured by the committee and its workings exhibited The invention is not as deadly as at first supposed It is loaded with four ounces of bird shot and two of powder ami plac placed - ed placed on the roo t When it is reached for a citch is thrown out of place a powerful spring is set in motion and a hammer strikes and explodes a percussion cap The shot are thrown out in evety direc direction - tion direction and within ten seconds after the ex explosion - plosion explosion a dark figure is seen galloping down the alley and a husky voice is heard inquiring What has de white folks got hold of now The committee closed its report as follows Ilavin pushed de in investigation - vestigation investigation an kivered all do groun we beg leave to be discharged from furder consideration of de subject an to re respectfully - spectfully respectfully inquar of our respected Presi President - dent President Kin dis torpedo chicken be sup suppressed - pressed suppressed If not what shall we do As to suppressin de invenshun I see no wav to accomplish it replied Brother Gardner As to what shall we do 1 have bin sernsly reflectin for de his ten minits and it am my solemn belief dat do bes thing de cullud race kin do am to cultivate a taste for some odor kind o meat Detroit Free Press Old Aunt Sukey who lives on Austin avenue is known to be the stingiest wo woman - man woman in the city Old Mose cut up a load of tough oak wood for her a few uaysago and she refused to pay him more than a quarter about half the usual price Aunt Sukey said Mose I wish you had been in de garden of Eden instead of Ebe What do yer meanUncle Mose Nuilin cept yu are so stingy ef you had been Ebe yer would had eat do hull apployer self an not gib Adam noneand we would hub escaped the cuss Texas Shiftings Retribution An old yellow dog in Cologne Han away with an old womans bogne JUil tho wrathful old cronno Hit him twice with a stogne And twas dreadful to hear the dog grogne Burlington Hawkeye Women of tho workhouses at Louisville and Cincinnati are made to break rock in the streets two hours every mcrning

small pox scab inoculate her with the dis disease - ease disease just as I am inoculating you Tn a few days the animal will break out with small pox and the scabs will form all over her She is then tied up so she cannot move and a surgeon with his lancet carefully removes all the scabs These are moistened and dissolved stirred up into a lymph and these little white points are dipped into the liquid and laid aside to dry That is all What becomes of the cow Does it kill her asked the reporter as the white point was rasped over the irritated sur surface - face surface and suggestions of old time clover bees rose in his mind Oh no Small pox never kills a cow She gets over it and is as good if not bet better - ter better than ever Then the vanccine farmer loses noth nothing - ing nothing on the cow V Of course not He can get from one cow say ten thousand points which sell at ten cents each A small fortune in

Why the Parson Left Kentucky A good many years ago when a certain place in Texas was a very small town quite a number of prominent citizens went out on a hunting expedition One night when they were all gathered around the camp lire one of the party suggested that each man should give the time and rea reason - son reason for his leaving his native state and coining to Texas whereupon each one in turn told his experience Judge Blank had killed a man in self defense in Ar Arkansas - kansas Arkansas Gen Soandsj had forired another mans signature to a check while anothes came to Texas on account of his having two wives The only man who didnofc make any diclosuros was a sanctimonious looking old man who although a profes professional - sional professional gambler was usually called Par

Voriiic Tints The subject of yaccinnation is now up uppermost - permost uppermost in the minds ot a jrreat many per persons - sons persons very few of whom know anything about bovine virus which is now almost universally used or how it is obtained The following from the Louisville Com Commercial - mercial Commercial will therefore be lead with inter interest - est interest How isboine irus obtained asked the reporter as he bared a brawny arm to the ministrations of an old physician yesterday It is a simple process answered the physician as he deftly sliced the gleaming cuticle then cross sliced it and scraped it

I keep a shop and sell fancy goods A gentleman came in to buy something It was early and my little boy and I were alone in the house at the time The gen gentleman - tleman gentleman gave me a sovereign and 1 had to go upstairs to my cash box Before doing so I went into tho little room next to the shop and said to the boy Watch the gentleman that ho dont steal anything and I put him on the counter As soon as I returned he sang out Pa he didnt steal anything I watched him You may imagine what a position I was in Chambers Journal

would believe me anyhow Out with it Did you shoot anybody No gentlemen I did not Since you want to know so bad Til tell you I left Kentucky because I did not build a church Deep silence fell on the group No such excuse for coming to Texas ever had been heard of before There was evidently an unexplained mystery at the bottom of it The parson was called on to furnish more light Well gentlemen you see a ton raised o0C0 and turned it over to me t3 build a church and I didnt build the church Thats all

Close connection made in LincTnnati lor all points North East and West Special rates to emigrants Ask the agent at the above named places lor time folder of Blue Grass Route Hound trip tickets from Maysviile and Lex Lexington - ington Lexington to Cincinnati sold at reduced rates For rates on household goods and Western tickets address CUAS H HASLETT CJenl Emigration Agt Covington Ky JAMES C ERNST Uenl Pass and 1 icket Agt

mark our stock down Suppose vou should give up advertis advertising - ing advertising Well I would save a big pile of money the first year but I should lose a bigger pile the next two years You must keep the boiler heated if you want steam If yon bank your fires tou long it takes time to start up Advertising is the steam which keeps business moving Ive studied the matter