The Kenna Record, 1910-09-02

THE WASTE BASKET. If some day the newspajier man should print the contents of his wast ha Jcet there would be a riot, r.niarks an exchange. There would o H'tainly Iks trouble in miny homes, a nest in somo direction, shotguns in others, trouble' all around. But the patron never sees the waste has'ii t. He only glances at. the beautifully printed pages, com complains - plains complains if one letter in fifty is up upside - side upside d vn, growls his disappoint disappointment - ment disappointment if one name in five hundred has happened to go wrong, kicks hecaus" h i s communication, signed "Tax Fayer," has been condensed into respectable Englid), frowns because the ed editor - itor editor didn't take his advicea bout publicly warning his neigh neighborhood - borhood neighborhood against throwing more melons in the alley, and is gen generally - erally generally disgruntled, not so much at what ho faihj to find. He knows his share of the waste basket, but if he could have ono look at the contributions made to that leceptacle by bis neigh neighbors - bors neighbors and friends, he would thank God for the existence of a man with sufficient intelli intelligence - gence intelligence and courage not to print all he knows, and to temper even that which ho does print. Wt stern Pub.

THE MODEL SUBSCRIBER. The following now going the rounds aud crtditedto various con o try newspapers was wiittei: by Will Carletoii some thirty thirty-five - five thirty-five years ago in the form of poetry: Good morning,, sir Mr, Kditor, how aie the folks to-day? i Ave you for next year's paper and I thought I'd come in and pay. Aud Jones is goiu' to lake ir, and this is his money here. I shut down lendin' it to him and i hen c.axcd hiiu'to try it, a year. And here is a few little iteuisth.it happened List week out, of town. I thought they'o took good in lha paper and so 1 just jolted 'em down. And here is a basket of apples my wife picked expressly for you; and here is a pumpki from Jennie .site thought she must send something, too. You're geUin' out, a mighty good paper, as all of our family agree; just keep your old gose-quill a-fioppiu' and give bad men a gooJ one for me- And now yotrie chock full of business, ami I won't be lakin your lime; I've things of oy own to attend to good-day, ir; I believe I will climb.

ber in the Roman clime was hot as l-laz'w, and the union file could only inarch about a half i mile.- It wa-n'l anything at il1, they say, to watch t h t 'mighty pageant get away, the t! ic music p'aying and the fhtgs displayed, and see it, suddenly luck for the shad-! The gasping Irummer with -his sounding Iruny the b:onz d mechanics who pcrhap? had come a dozen squares, .-.i;d in the frantic rour, age and apprentice wilh its tongue stuck out- The faint impression the pro procession - cession procession made on R man capital for long dismayed the union leaders, when I lie rerriod ranks at limes not even passed the Roman banks. And so it was v hou mighty Caesar came, and naving four.d the populace aflame, he thoved September from the seventh place along to ninth, which has remained the case. H merely interchanged it with July, bus when he asked them how was that for high, they fairly inundated him with smiles, have since been doing about tweni.v milea.

KNEW SHE WOULD Down at the Sprague School playgrounds, says the Brockton, Mass., Enterprise, the olhtr day the teacher was trying to teach her children to box the compass, and began by teaching them cardinal points. '"Now," she said, "we'll stand Willie Jones up here with his face to the noi th, and what will be over here, whero his light hand is?" "East," chorused the pupils. "And what where his left hand is?-' "West," Hangout the little group, But Willie was silent "Now, Willie, you have north in front of you, and east over hero and west over there. Now, what have you behind you, Willie?" "There, I knew you would see it," burst out Willie. "I told ma you would when she put it on, but she said she had to make thee pants last tiil fall.'"

The man from Elba, trying to come back, And the poor consumer in his cul-de-sac Unknowing if the quaking earth portends Death or the near approach, of friends. But howsoever and be it as it may, the dread mosquito will have had its day, end joining Satan in it3 spectral growth, have made it real hell there foi them both. The while the earthly rem ant. of it swings up upon - on upon the window screen, and dry drying - ing drying clings to that post which, though wanting mortal fire, ii still holds with its faco against the wire. The sad first day of school will come to pass, And the barefoot boy will hide out in the grass, And by the time we've caught these malcontents, The Ciippen ;hase will look like thirty cents.

NOTICE TO THE TUBLIC. Postmaster General Order No. T.'TG in regard to Registered mail. Whenever I he rendr r shall so . equest, a receipt shall be taken in the eel i very of any registered mail matter, showing to whom aud when the same was deliver delivered, - ed, delivered, which receipt, shall bo ic ic-tn; - tn; ic-tn; ner't to t lie sender, and bo r -ceived in covrf.3 as Prima facio vidence of such delivery. In nco!rJa'i33 with this amendment posfmasrer's should not hereafter prepare recept cards for return to the sender of domestic registered letters or parcels that do not bear the in in-dor - dor in-dor ement "Receipt desired," or words of similar import. Claude J. Mai but, P.

FOR SEPTEMBER. Copyrigt 1910 by C. H. Reith. FOR SEPTEMBEU. jrjvtf softened suns a irtellow lufctef slietj Tile laden orchards glow with tempting red; Oil liaiel boughs the cluster haiigs ein ein-browned, - browned, ein-browned, And with the hunting horn the fils re resound. - sound. resound. Old September Poem. Well we should say so, and the mellow horn of Mr. Morgan will awake the morn, bidding us garner for the bins and cribs in which we labor for his royal nibs. The summer ended and the blower on, the respite over aud the money gone, and Rocke Rockefeller - feller Rockefeller as we drill along, bowing and hoping we are well and strong. The seaside sojourner will quit

The busted tourist r e t u r n from France with hotel slickers stuck upon his pants, and tarred and postalearded by his friends, will reap the penalty of what he sends. They'll waltz him up and down upon a rail, a u d alternately turn him hnO and tail, or howsoever they may bst enjoy the views in Venice or the cite of Troy. The festive calf will bliihely sniff and snort, and deftly tip ui where the hair is short, und in the quiet even afterglow the quail will pipe his dulcet piccolo. The bold insurgent the more, will fill the planet with li i s dreadful roar, and each - one betting he will not be last, the